We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
