I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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