The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
