I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
