So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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