Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
