I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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