M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i think i just lost a toe
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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