Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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