I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
