You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
