Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
