if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
