i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
