So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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