I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
