PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
