I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
