just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
