there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
