We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
