just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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