I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
