Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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