When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
