when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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