it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
