help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
