I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize