connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
