I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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