even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
