I can text with my tongue
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You're like the curious george of whores
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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