Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
