dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
