we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
