I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
