I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
