Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize