I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
