Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
