Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
