dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
