I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
