My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
