Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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