Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
