Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
