Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
