Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
