I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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