Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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