This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
