So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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