I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
