your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
