you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
