..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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