how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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