She said her name was "party"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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