I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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