i think i have two assholes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
