I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
