The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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