I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
