You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
