You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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