oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
