He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
