I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
