The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
