can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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