This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize